There could be many
different reasons that someone does not get out of an abusive relationship. Although some of these reasons may not seem
logical they can be very real to the person in such a situation.
Also, since they may not feel good about themselves it may be
difficult for them to feel that they could function on their own. If
you are in this situation see what things below apply to you. Possible answers to your reason are in parenthesis.
Information will help you to make the best decisions about what to do
now. Books, hotlines, support groups, and counselors and
attorneys who specialize in abuse can be a big help.
- Where will I go? - (friends, family, shelters)
- How will I support myself (and my children)? - (It may not be as hard as you think. There are resources to help.)
- What if I am alone for the rest of my life. - (There are worse things then being alone)
- No one will believe me. - (They might not but it is likely they already have seen the signs. Besides, it doesn't matter whether they believe you as long as you know the truth.)
- No one else will want me. - (Once you are healed you may find someone great and perfect for you. If not, again - there are worse things than being alone.)
- My children need their father/mother. - (What kind of mother/father do they need? - really)
- What will other people think? - (It shouldn't be about what others think but unfortunately sometimes it is. You just need to do what is best for you.)
- How will my children handle this? - (They may handle it better than what they are currently experiencing)
- I don't have money or other resources. - (Get information - that will answer many concerns.)
- I still love him/her and I know he/she didn't mean to do it and/or is sorry and/or will change. - (How many chances should he/she get? What if after years and years he/she still doesn't? Will you still keep saying that? A person changing has to be their choice - we can't make them no matter what we do or don't do.)
- How can I be sure that I will be safe from him/her? - (Call local, state, or national hotlines or resources for information. If possible confide in a friend or relative and arrange to go to their house in case of emergency. Always have a bag packed with a few essentials if possible.)
- I am ashamed for anyone to know about the abuse. (They probably already know.)
- It's not really that bad. - (Do you really believe that?)
- I did cause this to happen or I deserve it. - (No one deserves to be treated that way).
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